Skeleton writing

I want to cry
I want to cry now
I want to cry in the night
And when the morning dawns
When the light becomes unbearable
And I want to sink into dark corners
Wishing to forget this world exists
Because I don't know what I'm doing here

Foreign
It feels foreign
And I feel like an alien
Green and abhorred 
Big eyed and despised
Perhaps I'm nothing
And yet maybe I'm something
Something I don't understand
But wish to remember

I'm here
Wishing to be gone
Because none of it makes sense
And a million people try to explain it
They make a feeble attempt
To explain the shit-show we're all living 

Forward
It's the only momentum I know
Wishing and dreaming
Like a little kid
Something Wonka-like
Pure imagination

I wish I could forget the history
Of my being here
And write a story
About anywhere but here
But it is what it is
Though I swear it's a trap
A mind game
A twist, a turn
A skid across the pavement
Scraping the skin of my soul

What the hell am I doing here?
Can I go home wherever home is?
Can I find the kindred spirits I long for?
Especially when the night turns cold
And the moon has something to say
As I lay awake with a flutter
Of nightmares dancing across my soul

We are nothing but skeletons with skin
Mere objects of a game
I simply don't know if I want to play anymore
But I wonder too much to leave
What can be?
Who am I?
Is the source of power within me?
And if it is
What am I doing here?
Who can I be?
What can I create?
What can I change?
Is there a new story to be written?
My story?
By my hand and this pen?

Let me scrawl
And I will etch something on your soul
Because whether you know it or not
I'm here to change the world
If I can ever find my way out
Of the cavern in my soul

© 2022 Loly Rinn
Photo by Joshua Olsen on Unsplash