Marred

I wish you had seen me soaked with tears
Crumpled up on the floor in a heap
Like an old blanket with holes
Utterly worthless

My heart was obliterated
As if a kamikaze pilot 
Decided I was the target
And dive bombed straight into me
I was blown apart in an instant
Forever changed

And I sat there in that decimated state
Wondering how to pick up my heart
Piece by piece

I wished for your help
But it wasn't in you
To do such a thing
So I did it myself 
I picked up every bloody piece
And stuck it back inside of me

Now you wonder
Why I'm not the same
Just going with the flow
As if nothing changed
But I can't ignore it 
Nothing is the same

My heart is sewn back together
With the threads of grief
Though you don't understand why
It's marred and ugly

So if you're looking for beauty
You won't find it here anymore

© 2022 Loly Rinn
Photo by Dollar Gill on Unsplash